governmentium (a forward worth repeating)

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element “Governmentium” (symbol=Gv), has one“neutron”, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

 

These 312 particles are held together by forces called “morons”, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called “peons”. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impeded every reaction with which it comes into contact.  

 

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has as normal half-life of  2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a “reorganization” in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

 

In fact, Governmnetium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming “isodopes.” This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “critical morass”.

 

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes “Administratium” (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.  

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